Real Talk: Postpartum Poop is a Real Crap Shoot

Mothers don’t really talk about that first poop experience after delivering a baby. And, if they do, it’s spoken of in backroom conversations quietly because honestly, it’s like giving birth to another child and ya know…it’s not a child, so that makes it embarrassing. Let me get real with you, ok? I wish I could tell you that my first postpartum bowel movement was a great experience, but instead, I will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. My post-birth experience in the bathroom could go down in history as one of the most painful and severely awkward moments of my entire life, which says a lot.

Are you ready?

Here we go. This is a real, real, real, Real Mother moment.

First, you need to know that I have IBS, which, is a pretty name for “you are definitely screwed.” Because of that I am either constipated or running for the bathroom with the big D. The second thing you need to know is that I have hyperemesis during my pregnancies, which landed me on a medicine called Zofran. Zofran is an incredibly constipating anti-nausea drug that helps a little with the sickness but also would back me about 5-10 days.

Let me tell you, hyperemesis, constipation, and pregnancy together is the actual best. (Yes I am inserting every ounce of sarcasm here.)

When it was time to give birth to my beautiful daughter Z, I went in full-on constipated. While pushing out my daughter, I tore a significant amount which wouldn’t have been a big deal except for that I also had this hemorrhoid that was the actual size of Texas pressing up on it. How’s that for a visual?

When my epidural wore off, the pain in my butt (no pun intended) was excruciating. I had this pressure from not going to the bathroom on the tear and hemorrhoid, and I was miserable. So, I was put on oxycodone to ease the pain, and it did for a few hours. But, did you know that oxycodone is constipating?

Yay! And, Now you know.

I was given stool softeners at the hospital, but it did absolutely nothing in the two days I was there. They didn’t offer me an enema, so I left the hospital as a hot mess new mother who couldn’t even sit down in the car. My postpartum hormones were raging, my boobs were leaking, my new child was crying, and my butt hurt.

I thought I was supposed to leave the hospital as a blissful new mother. Meh. All lies.

The first poop after baby would have to happen at home, and I was dreading it and even more scared of it than I was for birthing my child.

At home I was in so much pain that I couldn’t do anything but lay on my side. I took a few more stool softeners, but it wasn’t working fast enough, so I asked my husband to go to the store and get an insertable laxative and a saline enema. I took another oxycodone to ease the ensuing pain and waited for him to arrive with my stash.

While I waited, my mother in law came over, and I just lost it. I cried like a baby and then asked her a question that forever changed our relationship.

Will you insert the rectal laxative and saline enema for me?

Pause.

She is the nicest human alive.

She said yes without hesitation.

She wins all of the MIL awards and human awards.

I knew that if I asked Ezra to do the deed, he would possibly faint and I needed one of us to be coherent. And, honestly his mother is a mom-boss, and I knew she could handle it.

So Ezra walks in the door, takes the baby, and MIL comes up to my room.

I lay on my side; she gloves up, and…well…ya know. She does what she has to do with the laxative.

We wait 2 minutes and nothing. NOTHING! My pain was getting even worse, and so she whips out option number two like an assassin ninja on a mission.

It was working!! So she helps me to the toilet where a sits bath was waiting for me and held my hand while I did the delivery breaths I learned and…well…you get it.

She is one of my heroes no now, and we share a memory together that I’m sure we both wish we could forget.

After that moment I wish I could tell you that my pooping experiences were a breeze. But it took about 6 months for it to be pain free because of the fissures. With my last two babes, I made sure I was prepared. I did an enema prior to birth and lubed up every time I had to go and used some essential oils afterwards. It helped with the healing…and I’m sure my mother in law was relieved I didn’t call on her services in that way again.

Kendra Stanton

Creator of Real Mother. Wife, mom of 3 and a fur babe. A little blunt. A little short. A little addicted to coffee.