So you are an expecting dad, and your newborn baby is on its way. Your partner in crime is growing a human child in her womb, and you want some blunt advice on what you should do to help her out during this ten-month process. Well, maybe you don’t want straightforward pregnancy advice as an expecting dad, but I’m going to do you a favor and give it to you anyways. Pregnancy can be an exhilarating time for couples and also an annoying time filled with fighting because let’s be honest; you might feel like everything is suddenly all about her and life is now being catered to her wants and needs. Well, before we start this article, I would like to clarify one thing, in the child incubation season, it IS all about her. Now that I have put that out there, we can begin.
She’s Tired All of The Time
When your sperm hits her egg and starts developing your baby, it sucks the ever living life out of her. She is not making this up. One moment she can rally, and next she feels as if she has run a triathlon and desperately needs to sleep. It’s the kind of “need to sleep” that makes you feel like if you don’t shut your eyes, you will actually fall over and die (that might be a slight exaggeration…or is it? ).
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS A DAD: Don’t be annoyed. Don’t huff and puff and roll your eyes thinking she’s lazy. Let the lady sleep. In fact, make the bed for her, roll back the covers, spray the room with some lavender scented something and make her feel validated and taken care of. If you have multiple kids, take the kids to the park so she can sleep. She’s developing YOUR baby, and the best way to participate in allowing this to be a smooth ride is to let her get some freaking shut-eye. The tired phase comes and goes throughout the entire nine months. Just a heads up.
She has Crazy Food Cravings
Unless you have been pregnant before and have experienced the incredible and intense cravings for food, you can’t relate so much. So, just take her word for it when she is craving a hamburger, french fries, pickles and don’t make it a thing. Don’t even for a second let the thought of “SHE’S MAKING THIS UP” enter into your brain unless you want to get ninja kicked from all women who have been or are pregnant and especially the lady you got pregnant. Your mom might even ninja kick you for this thought because, well, she carried you. Who knows?
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS A DAD: When a pregnant woman is craving something, she literally can’t get it out of her brain until it’s physically in her mouth. So, get her what she wants. End of story.
She Is Sick All the Time
Let me be real with you; the sick phase isn’t just a cute little amount of nausea; in some women, it feels like the actual flu. Sometimes it goes away after the first trimester and sometimes it doesn’t. In some awful pregnancy cases, women get hyperemesis which is puking, nausea, and misery for an entire 9 months. Sometimes the sickness is so bad that they have to be hooked up to IV’s and sent to hospitals to be taken care of so they or the baby don’t die. Some women have to quit their jobs because they can’t even get out of bed. Dang, aren’t women amazing? It’s crazy what we endure to further humankind. Your welcome.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS A DAD: If she wants to be left alone, leave her alone. If she needs you around for comfort, be with her. You know how you like to be taken care of when you are sick? For the most part, she does too. Yes, it can be a bit frustrating to deal with a sick person for 1 to 9 months. Give yourself 5 seconds to cry it out by yourself (please don’t tell her you did this unless you want to be ninja kicked again) and then put on your adult face and make her as comfortable as possible. Get her the chicken noodle soup she wants, the crackers she wants, the movies she wants. Step up even more with helping to take care of your other kids. Whatever. Sickness sucks and believe me, while she’s so happy to be having a baby, the process is physically and mentally hard. Also, we all know how men are when they are sick. Just saying.
She Has Horrible Food and Smell Aversions
Dads, did you know that when a woman is pregnant, she has a heightened sense of smell? Some smells are gag-worthy and will immediately make her run to the toilet, trash can, or really whatever is close so that she can puke. No, she isn’t making this up. The smell of your coffee is disgusting. The smell of your cologne that she liked last week is now the worst thing ever. Whatever you are cooking in the kitchen all of a sudden smells like death to her, and she needs you to throw it away immediately.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS A DAD: This is easy, just avoid anything and everything that smells terrible to her during the next 9 months. If making coffee makes her sick, either start making it in the garage or go to the closest coffee shop to relieve the smell from her presence. If you are a smoker, don’t smoke around her and also wash your clothes, hair, head, face, body and anything else that the smoke came into contact with while smoking what you were smoking. And no, she isn’t going to “suck it up” because well, she’s pregnant with her baby that is also your baby. The good news is, the “smell bad” phase usually only lasts the first trimester.
She Doesn’t Want Sex
Yes, you had sex all-the-time during the “get pregnant” season. In fact, you probably got so much sex that you feel like this is how life should be all of the time. Right? Riiiight? And now you are a little bitter because your feeling a little used and you don’t understand why she all of the sudden doesn’t want to get butt naked with you. One word my friend: pregnant. If you read any of the above, you might see why having sex sounds terrible to newly pregnant women. Nobody likes having sex when they are sick. Do you? Nobody likes having sex when they are excruciatingly tired. Do you? Those two alone and together make the thought of getting it on far from the brain of pregnant women.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS A DAD: You can rub her back, rub her feet, snuggle with her and find other ways to be close and intimate with her. If you end up having sex, cool, I hope it’s amazing! If not, please don’t guilt her. Please don’t make her feel bad. She is already carrying SO MUCH in her mind about the development of this baby. With that said, in the first trimester, sex is often at an all-time low. But, the sex drive comes back strong at around 25-30 weeks, and when it comes back, you better be ready and she better already be feeling like a queen.
Her Body Always Hurts
When a woman has a human baby growing inside of her body, some things happen like the shifting of organs, hips expanding, getting kicked everywhere from a ninja baby and more. Sometimes her vagina will hurt so horrifically by the pressure of the baby that she might feel like she can’t physically walk or pick up anything. Also, her hips will hurt, her neck might be in pain, her boobs, her feet will get swollen and rage with pain. And because of all of this she isn’t sleeping well so here are some ideas on sleeping better during pregnacy. No, again, she isn’t making this up.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AS THE DAD: This one is pretty simple. If her feet hurt and she is waddling like a duck, help the lady out. Rub her feet. Rub her back. Rub her neck. Do this every day. Do this multiple times a day because she will feel miserable all-the-time….especially towards the end. If you want to feel involved, be involved. Being involved and being a participant means taking care of the person you made a baby with for 9-10 months while she is taking care of your baby for the 9-10 months of pregnancy.
In the beginning, I said that pregnancy is all about her. The reason why it’s all about her is because she is the only one who can biologically carry the precious baby that is 50% your genetics as the dad. Taking care of her, the mother is also actively taking care of your child and being a participant in the pregnancy. If you feel distant and not included in the pregnancy process, get involved with her pregnancy by taking care of her and what she needs from you as the dad while your baby is developing. And also, being this engaged as the father will make this pregnancy season epically special for all three of you and YOU will be your pregnant womans hero.